The Art of Having One’s Shit Together, by Elura Nanos
The Art of Having One’s Shit Together
This morning started out pretty well. I ate oatmeal (and didn’t even put sugar on it, thank you very much), my kids happily got on the bus sans bribes, and I made it through spin class without doing permanent damage to my lady parts. Then, it fell apart. I blame my perfume. I used “Viva la Juicy,” which I keep in my gym bag.
It seemed like a good idea when I threw it in there, but has pissed me off ever since. From the dumb name (trying too hard to remind me of Coldplay), to the irritating marketing (which is clearly for twelve-year olds who shouldn’t be using $65 perfume), to the cotton-candy-laced-with-dandelion scent, it just bugs me. Mostly, though, it annoys me because it reminds me of a bad day I had at work a few years back, and of an annoying coworker who was rude to me that day.
You’d think I’d just throw the damn bottle away. But no. Throwing it away seems wasteful, so I continue to use it, awaiting the day I can throw it in the trash and avoid the sense-memory associated with “eau de aggravation.”
Today, though, as soon as I felt my mood take a turn for the bitchy side, I came face to face with this life truth: it requires real vigilance to prevent oneself from turning into an asshole.
Having one’s shit together is like being in shape, or having good hair; it requires constant upkeep and perpetual forward motion. Like everyone, I must guard against that which threatens to separate my shit. In an effort to maintain the proper alert level, I am focusing on some mantras today:
I will stop whining. The people in my life are my greatest resource. They are brilliant and supportive and inspiring. But I squander them if I use them as whine receptacles. Asking for advice is reasonable. But the asking must be accompanied by listening, evaluating, and (at least sometimes) following the advice given. Moreover, complaining about 1) my body; 2) how busy/tired I am; or 3) the bad habits of my spouse/friend/partner is not productive, and is essentially the opposite of having my shit together.
I will be decisive. We all need to preserve our mental energy, and indecisiveness is a mental and emotional black hole. Not only that, it annoys the crap out of everyone around us. Questions like, “I don’t know, where do you want to go?” and “I don’t’ know, should I buy it?” must sometimes be asked. But not every time. And for fuck’s sake, not multiple times. Making decisions is like doing situps – the more we do it, the easier they will become. Also like situps, decision-making is a solo sport. The more comfortable we are with the concept of deciding, the more we can decide to do what’s healthy, what’s right, what’s good for us, and what makes us happy.
I will be cool. Now that middle school is a distant memory, I don’t always put in real effort with respect to maximizing my coolness. As teenagers, we all lived and breathed by the cool scale, because our level of coolness dictated our social calendars, our romantic options, and often, our overall happiness. As adults, our lives are far more static. Generally, that’s a good thing –but that does not mean that coolness needs to go the way of the banana clip. I want people to want to hang out with me. More importantly, I want me to want to hang out with me. Picking up on the cues from the world around us is an important part of life. The cues may relate to surface elements, like style and hygiene – or may relate to personality traits, like friendliness, adventurousness, or humor. Whatever it takes, we can all stand to hold on to our coolness.
These are, of course, not the only ingredients for success. Like any art form, this one has many facets. And in days to come, I will explore more of them. But for today, my mind will be in the right place. I will be confident and decisive and cool. First, though, I just have to jump in the shower and wash this Viva La Juicy off .
